How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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