Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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