currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
