I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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