i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
