just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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