My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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