How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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