And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
