I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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