i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize