Got a toothbrush?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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