the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They are going to name an STD after you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
