TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
