well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
