I am spending my child support on dildos
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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