I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
