im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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