omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
