Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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