just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
