Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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