I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
