I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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