I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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