sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
