my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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