Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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