I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
