At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
