He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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