Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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