the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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