dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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