just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
