somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We got so high we made milksteak
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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