Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize