I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize