I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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