there's paper in my vomit.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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