I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
