Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
