she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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