I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
