Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
