The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
