I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
