Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
