I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
