First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
