speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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