i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
