i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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