Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
