i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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