Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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