I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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