I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
