I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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